If this is a regular occurrence, it could be indicative of a larger problem, such as marital strife. That doesnt mean one party jeopardizes their job and career to make ridiculous accommodations, of course. And the wife discussing it as though its a reasonable position makes me SAD. Mind you, I never told them that they shouldnt go (did tell my wife at the WTF? husband doesn t want to go on family vacation. And wondered aloud how he would have been if wed been together in the days I was traveling to Kosovo, Bosnia and Iraq as a newspaper reporter. It may not necessarily be abusive, but it is controlling it doesnt get a pass just because other people would do it. Both are filled with similar anecdotes and stories. The only time my husband would object to a business trip of this kind is if I had to fund it myself or if it was a conflict to another event on our calendar (wedding or family vacation). Ive been to one (and my husband was only jealous of the food), and while I dont like Vegas myself, I cant deny that the Venetian knows how to run a conference. Like AAM said it is mostly conference rooms and exhaustion afterword. It is in some Nevada counties, but not Clark County (which includes Vegas.) This is a great comment. My anxiety would destroy her ability to enjoy herself, and thats not fair of me. In neither case do I think you should stay home, and I think youre best able to answer the question of his motivations, and how to deal with them long term. I didnt hear that there were kids. I wonder if the husband is insecure that the wife is the primary breadwinner and might be subconsciously trying to sab0toge her career. I actually didnt tell her I got K&R insurance when I worked in the Philippines and had to travel to an area where nearby skirmishes were going on and kidnappings WERE a concern. Shes too fair to be naked out in that desert sun.. Dont try totalk yourself into thinking that itdoesnt matter orthat they didnt mean anything byit. You dont get an opinion on whether youre dumped!! Until I heard the week after that everyone was kept so busy that they really didnt have time or energy to do any of the fun stuff. Also made me think about the impact TV can have on our beliefs about the world. I was going to say this, the touristy areas and especially the casinos are crawling with security and cameras. Plus, I like to travel so it was a good excuse. Is it only the Vegas trip where he has the outsized reaction or is there some anxiety for safety around all trips? And we have no way of knowing, so a lot of people are going the when this happened to me it was X, so thats whats happening here.. (Im glad to report that years later she is completely reasonable and sensible about these things and I love her dearly!). (That started as a joke but I think I might actually be onto something, re: familiar vs unfamiliar crimes and the perceived danger of each.). For example, my wife likes to go for walks, and sometimes takes a scenic route while enjoying herself outside (She loves hiking and exploring in nature). Youre the breadwinner? Arguments are by turns rewarding, arousing (in the physical arousal sense), angering, and anxiety-provoking. Of course control issues are a possibility. And he wouldnt like it either, wed be heading down to the pool and see people going to conferences and feel sorry for them that they had to spend the day inside while we sat in the sun with a mojito. At least thats what happens to *me* at conferences whether theyre in Kansas City or Honoluhu. and my husbands main reaction has been I hope you have a great time, and Im glad you are not trying to get me to go too. OPs husbands friends would have a conniption if they heard about my situation! We walk through various casinos and gawk. Its often fine to bring spouses on work trips, but I definitely think she shouldnt bring him in this situation. My own brain is like that. Exactly this. I think the fact that hes willing to go counseling (am I reading that correctly?) Never mind that this area was completely safe and middle-class; never mind that the apartment complex had 24-hour security; gated parking; never mind that this Mexican restaurant is not a whole in the wall, is regularly featured on Food Network, and is a regular spot for bringing out-of-town clients for virtually every company in our city. I also love Vegas. Its better than it has been at times, but it never quite goes away. walk. At the time, we had 3 kids and they were around 5, 3, and 18 months. I just want to come back to the point about where the first fear of his that you list off, OP, is that youre going to cheat on him. When I was in grad school my mom once had a fit that I was walking home from class at around 4:45 pm on a random Tuesday evening. Whats not real is all these horrible things Im imagining happening to her. For example, Fiance didnt want me to take night classes for my certification because the parking lot had a lot of trees and shrubs where predators could hideand there were a lot of guys taking these classes. Thank you, other wise my husband is very supportive. Pricey, but worth it! 4 Things To Remember When Taking Your Partner On A Family Vacation For People understand the environment and are very vigilant about what is going on. Frankly, there are very few cities that can handle massive conferences and Vegas may be the only option for the OPs company. We are individual people, and of course we take each other into account, but ultimately neither of us is the others possession or pet. I hope youll get the chance to play some poker while youre there. [He loves playing poker but seldom gets to play, as Im not a fan of the game.]. Omg that sounds so much like my mom. I read letters like this, and I realize how fortunate both my husband and I are, because its got to be miserable to live with this level of mistrust and anxiety. There are times when I feel safer in Vegas than I do my own city. At that point, the OP has some really solid information far more useful and on point than anything that the internet commentariate can provide her. Please whitelist our site to get all the best deals and offers from our partners. My wife is suffering from both major depression and anxiety, and she has her individual sessions to work on her mental health issue and were in marriage counseling to work on ourselves as a couple. The businesspeople in Las Vegas want to make money. And nobody is reasonably going to crazy drug orgies where they might be at risk, during a work event. Im in business, so of course I know that a lot of conferences and normal things to do there, but its a little disingenuous to claim that a location that intentionally markets itself as Sin City doesnt at least have a rep for vice. Another is that hes questioning the companys motives. Its not you I dont trust, its other people.. Meanwhile, there are fewer property crimes in my very small town than there are in hers, and we havent had a murder since the 1990s. So, hell have to ban the East Coast, too. My mom believes that her quiet suburban neighborhood and my own are overrun by prowling sex offenders when the sun goes down. Vegas flights and hotels are cheap compared to anywhere else with their size convention/conference space. husband doesn t want to go on family vacation. My husband usually goes on an annual drinking trip with his buddies (they all go to a particular beer festival in a nearby city). Whats more surprising is that youre the main provider. Overnight somewhere then do the same thing the next day. after that. One casino is the same as another, the food isnt as good as it once was (you have to go off-strip for the REALLY good stuff), and its crazy expensive. We live a block away from a grocery store. Either way, the fact that husband is freaking out and polling friends sounds like he, at least, needs to speak with a therapist, and both of you together would be even better to tackle this problem (the problem being his anxiety and the way its impacting your relationship, not the fact you need to travel). If possible, Id suggest both individual and joint counseling. If the boundaries within a family are so entangled (by normative American standards), it really is an asset to the couple when their partner has the skills to navigate those extended relationships. However, Im not sure if this is the crux of the LWs issue since her husband clearly said that he has a problem with the what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas mentality. Is this the only thing he gets so on-edge about? Sometimes together (we work for the same agency), but mostly separate. My associatons annual conference rotates between about six places, and even in big cities like Chicago and Philly we need to use three nearby hotels to have enough meeting rooms and hotel rooms. Work trips tend to not be fun because you spend the whole time WORKING and have no time to go out and have fun. People have stranger danger drilled into their heads, but woman are far more likely to be hurt/assaulted/murdered by a domestic partner or acquaintance. If youre happier and more successful without him, and what he brings to the table isnt enough anymore, its okay to opt out. That would be buying in to his controlling behavior and it would be a bad move for their relationship. I don't think it won't be that bad though. You are right! Willing to bet that OPs husband, regardless of whats behind his behavior, is one of those. Being worried about my safety seemed a bit off since I was being chauffered around with a group of his female relatives. I wish this would have been the first comment because it frames the issue perfectly. I love my wife and we bought land and a home. I came here to recommend asking Captain Awkward as well! He might be in some kind of internet echo chamber, like one of the misogynist subreddits, and all the guys in there told him Shes totes just going there to have sex with random dudes! because thats the way those corners of the internet are. Youre an adult, OP! Heck, immediately post break-up I think its normal for friends to say Yeah, you were right, and they were in the wrong, and youre a heck of a catch and I bet theyre really sorry. Regardless of their private feelings about the truth of those things. Hes not Master of the House. Your husband seems to think he has a say in whether he lets you go. me go. (Im in counseling FWIW, he wont go.) I suspect that insecurity over her being the primary breadwinner has a lot to do with it (deeply ingrained social conceptions are still a thing). So your husband just told you he wants to go away for Labor Day. When I go Im all about getting to as many different and awesome restaurants as humanly possible, and sitting by a pool with a book, when some of my friends go its about the nightlife, when my husband goes its about the sportsbook (this was my long way of saying that I agree with you). Theyre both controlled, predictable corporate environments that can provide controlled, predictable hospitality services, often at a price affordable enough to attract business conferences. Disordered anxiety changes shape to fit inside whatever container is available, which might be infidelity or kidnapping or alien abduction. I agree. Hahahaha! THIS. This gives me hope that one day Ill have that too! Bonus was that the skills I learned translate to my professional and personal life *every day*. Then we went to Hoover Dam on a tour. I agree with you on the personal deal-breakers, but thats not the discourse thats going on here at the moment. So I get the safety concern. I think if OPs husband was acting reasonably, this would be a good solution. But a counselor can assess it and go from there. Agreed! Especially with comments like, I have anxiety and I would never act like this! Not everyones anxiety is the same. Its also an irrational state of fear and I think people forget what that means. Yall need some marriage counseling. They plan conferences there because its generally inexpensive, tons of rooms and restaurants, and its extremely easy to get aroundno real need for ground transportation besides getting to and from the airport. My husband and I went for our honeymoon, we had so much fun just walking through all of the hotels and people-watching, plus saw some really great shows. If all else fails OP can blame in on an alien abduction. (And hes questioning the motives of the company in having the trip in the first place? Yeah, like MakeThings Im picturing a lot of Mmmmm. His concerns are irrational, the trip is a reasonable expectation from your employer, and so you need to go and let him manage his feelings about it. Thats a CA classic. The duration of the vacation. Just like someone might look for a spouse who is athletic or smart or has a certain sense of humor or earning power, it might be important that FutureSpouse has the skills to share a household with the in-laws.
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