A visitor, returning to Kuwait for the first time since the Gulf War, was impressed by a sociological change. During a combat medical training class, the topic was blast injuries. 18. He needed COVER! A tank ran over a box of popcorn and killed two Kernals, As we stood in formation at the Pensacola Naval Air Station, our Flight Instructor said, All right! A drill serGENTLEMEN! Air Traffic Control 6. During KP duty, my sergeant ordered me to prepare 100 gallons of soup for that nights dinner. As I stepped forward, she jokingly offered me one, but I passed. They bagged six. You will not live long enough to make all of them yourself. 35. A DC-10 had an exceedingly long roll out after landing with his approach speed just a little too high. We were a tough group. As a pilot only two bad things can happen to you and eventually one of them will. Did it work? Then, in a soft voice, he said, Probably. Filed Under: Lifestyle, Veteran Life Tagged With: funny, humor, jokes, military jokes. What do pilots and air traffic controllers have in common? To the Soldiers surprise, the Marine was laughing about it. The Best Aviation Jokes - Ridge Landing Airpark 40. You might be in the Coast Guard if your idea of aromatherapy is Simple Green and JP5. Join Date: Oct 2011 Location: Army territory Age: 57 Posts: 26 Likes: 0 Received 0 Likes on 0 Posts Good RAF Army Banter/Jokes As a new poster, I hope you can help me. MARCH! When the Marine finishes up, he starts to head for the door. My friend stopped, turned around, and glared at the airman. Military jokes - Pinterest The captain returned my salute and responded, LMD 67. Military jokes, Aviation humor, Military humor - Pinterest If it doesnt move, pick it up. 4. If you stop to ask Why, you will be talking to yourself, 8. The owner of this website does not guarantee offers on this site, and all offers should be viewed as recommendations only. Large mahogany desk.. However, the mood was brightened when he received a birthday cake from We were inspecting several lots of grenades. Heres what they came up with: Theres a post recall and he has to go to work. We were inspecting several lots of grenades. Dear Soldier, If youre having a rough day, remember the most important thing in life is to be yourself. 11. I was awakened late one night by a phone call from nearby Fort Meade, in Maryland. For more information about us or joining the team, check out the About Us tab. Sure, its hilarious to poke fun at rival branches sometimes. If you can stay quiet for the entire ride and not say a word, I will not charge you. As you exit the plane, make sure to gather all of your belongings. Me: Hello? Now, I was shy of six feet tall, but when our drill sergeant called for all six-footers to line up, I stepped forward anyway. You know you cant outrun a bear, right?, The soldier said, The way I see it, I just have to outrun you.. I was very nervous, she said. During basic training at Fort Leavenworth, our sergeant asked if anyone had artistic abilities. All you dummies fall out. As the rest of the squad wandered away, I remained at attention. These pilots' jokes can easily be turned into a pilot pun and other airlines' jokes. The dog is there to bite the pilot if the man so much . I got one here related to the tranparency of Soviet news.. ----- *News report from Soviet press agency* A friendly communist agricultural tractor was intercepted by enemy group of seven Chinese battle tanks, while performing its everyday works on wheat fields along Soviet-Chinese border. Everyone seemed OK with this order except for one confused recruit. In an attempt to keep, the passengers from standing or moving around before taxiing was completed the Flight Attendant of an internal flight said over the PA, "Ladies and Gentlemen. Pictures Archives - Aviation Humor Ummm no, youre good, he mumbled. The real definition of USCG is Uncle Sams Confused Group.. The Best Military Jokes: Jokes for Every Branch - Reader's Digest The steaming jungles of Vietnam were not my husbands first choice of places to spend his 21st birthday. The next day, I received a letter addressed to Sgt. As an Amazon Associate, I earn a commission from qualifying purchases at no extra cost to you. Soldier: Sure, buddy. Yeah, I got in a lot of trouble for that, the gunner said. Long Haul Do not attempt to shave with fire. I was cold is not a sufficient reason for being caught in the female barracks. In the event of a sudden loss of cabin pressure, masks will descend from the ceiling. He then added confidentially, Weve already been through three escorts. Since my father had served in the Philippines during the war, I chose him. The military has a long, proud tradition of pranking recruits. During World War II, my father often found himself stuck with KP duty. The U.S. Navy uses the stars to navigate. As they started loading the plane for the return trip, the pilot said the plane could take only four moose. I was the tallest guy in line. My high school assignment was to ask a veteran about World War II. Sometimes I think war is Gods way of teaching us geography. The MPs read the letter, saluted, and left. My grandpa Bob was in the Navy. After an overnight flight to meet my father at his latest military assignment, my mother wearily arrived at Rhein-Main Air Base, in Germany, with my eight siblings and me, all under age 11. Guys, do you know some jokes related to military aviation? Good news and bad news, my instructor said. Flight Announcements 4. In the 50s, I was a clerk typist at our base headquarters in Verdun, France. Soldier: WTF, you had air conditioners? Even if you arent in the military yourself, try reading some of these out loud to someone you know in a particular branch and watch as their face lights up. Being in the military is no laughing matter, but you know what can liven the spirits of those who serve or have served? Sometime later, when the examination was over, he was helped out of the machine by a far older woman. 27. Why was the sergeant made when his son brought home an A in math? Ask the Air Force to secure a building and they will sign a 10 year lease with an option to buy. They came up with that name using Operation Random Thesaurus. Dario Leone is an aviation, defense and military writer. The Army will post guards around the building. Here soldiers share what theyve gleaned from past gaffes: I was cold Im convinced my cockroaches have military training. ", The second engineer replied, "Well, I was walking along yesterday, minding my own business, when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike, threw it on the ground, took off her clothing and said, "Take what you want", The second engineer nodded approvingly and said, "Good choice; the clothes probably wouldn't have fit you anyway". After an extremely hard landing, the Flight Attendant said, Ladies and Gentlemen, welcome to Regina. Tower "Eastern 702, cleared for takeoff, contact Departure on 124.7", Eastern 702 "Tower, Eastern 702 switching to Departure by the way, after we lifted off, we saw some kind of dead animal on the far end of the runway", Tower "Continental 635, cleared for takeoff, contact Departure on 124.7; did you copy the report from Eastern? You can see why: Read more. Remember, gravity is not just a good idea. If at least ONE military joke below doesnt make you giggle, well, wed be concerned. I walked into the orderlys room and asked Sarge if I could borrow his master key. 30. 66. S | Almost replaced left inside main tire. They sure grow up fast, dont they?. Youre the only one I can think of she wont be able to drink under the table.. 2) American combat dolphins, deployed in the Persian Gulf, surrounded and captured an Iranian battleship. It was our first day on the rifle range at Lackland Air Force Base. Turns out we were supposed to shoot around it, not hit it. Patrick McSherry. with someone braver than you.'. Thats my wifes breast pump.. The only time you have too much fuel is when youre on fire. These one-liner jokes about the Coast Guard life are bound to make any Coastie crack up. Trask (his last name) used that heritage to lord it over me. Without a letter from public affairs, well have to take your camera. I did the only thing I could do: I pulled a notepad and pen from my bag and wrote a letter giving myself permission to take photos. How can you tell if theres an Air Force pilot at the bar? 14. Ask the Marines to secure a building and they will charge in, kill everybody inside, and then set up defenses to make sure nobody gets in. Civilian casual tees are absolutely unacceptable. Military jokes, Aviation humor, Military humor Explore Education Career Save From scontent-mxp1-1.xx.fbcdn.net Military Jokes N Nawar K. 644 followers More information Military Jokes Army Humor Funny Photos Funny Images Aviation Humor History Jokes Warrior Quotes Stupid Funny Memes Hilarious More information . Perplexed, the fighter pilot asked, "So? (pointing at the sky). ", "Sir" she calmly answered, "if I'd had any of those items, I would have used them by now". She's been working as a writer, editor, QA specialist, and SEO professional for more than four years. It does look like its been fished out from the bottom of the sea.. Anytime someone asked what his father did, hed say, Hes in the Army. I told him Never fly in the same cockpit with someone braver than you. While in Kuwait, shortly before we deployed to Iraq, a major general told our meeting that we should expect to cross into Iraq in less than 24 hours. He then opened the floor to questions. What does ARMY mean to you? So I quit ordering it.. When the boy seemed confused, his father brought out a picture of himself in full Marine dress. She has a Bachelor of Arts in English from the University of Alabama in Huntsville. USN: Helos Dear Veterans, You rock more than AC/DC or Metallica or Red Hot Chili Peppers. They cant seem to string three Ws together. A cookie and a piece of cake joined the army, but eventually, they abandoned their fellow soldiers. Economy Class Conditions under which transportation of animals would constitute a criminal offence, 57. Oh, youre a troop who survived pepper spray AND mustard gas? Germany, like other NATO members, is protected by . Later, I spoke with Mom. Reply: No, I say again. If you are travelling with more than one small child, pick your favourite, 15. If you want it any closer than that, youll have to bite em off from the inside.. Military Jokes Military Humor - Military News Humor Photos The danger of incident is no jokein 1985, a Japanese 747 airliner lost its tail midflight and plummeted into a mountain, killing 520 in the deadliest aircraft accident involving just one plane . Pizza de Resistance A tank ran over a bag of popcorn and apparently, two kernels were killed! Here are some favorites from rallypoint.com: The closets could all be mine since he wears the same thing every day. AVIATION HUMOR - Sierra Hotel Aeronautics 32. I enjoyed the humor section quite a bit. Anyone wanting to take pictures on our bases airfield needs a letter from public affairs, which happens to be me. Major countries like the USA, India, Russia, and China have the . The fighter jet stops whining once the engines are cut off. You had tents?, A drill sergeant yells at his young trainee, I didnt see you at camouflage training this morning, private!, The private replies, Well, thank you very much, sir., A general gets stuck in his Jeep on the side of the road. On landing, the Stewardess said, Please be sure to take all of your belongings. A friend paid my mother a visit. I never knew you had such a weak stomach, I said. Caller: Is Sgt. You might be a Coastie if a cruise does not sound like a vacation to you. We were an Air Force family, but our son could not grasp that fact. One started by saying, Okay smartass, which one is closer, the moon or Florida? The second responded by saying, Obviously its the moon you cant see Florida!. Why arent there any insects in an Army base? If you have a military joke you think our readers would like then send it to military_jokes@strategyworld.com. She told me she warships them. Read more. Even those who work in relation to the military, such as the Department of Defense, or know someone that has served, are bound to find a few of these hilarious. And )second When I was a Navy student pilot, I visited the home of a classmate. See, Connor? he explained, pointing to the photo and then to the bear. They want their patients to see 20:20! Attention! What is a Soldiers least favorite month? It works just like every other seat belt and, if you don't know how to operate one, you probably shouldn't be out in public unsupervised, 26. He had noticed that, for the umpteenth time, a recruit kept going to his right on a left command. You might be a Coastie if you forget how to color coordinate normal civilian clothes after weeks of wearing only blue. My father was serving in a port city in postWorld War II Germany when a ship laden with GIs docked. Our bases Army Exchange Service carried a particular brand of underarm deodorant that I liked and bought for years. Reluctantly, he showed it to me. From the pilot during his welcome message: We are pleased to announce that we have some of the best Flight Attendants in the aviation industry. Please speak after the tone or, if you require more options, listen to the following numbers: A. But if you say one word, it's fifty quid". 14 Funniest Military Jokes Ever (2022 Edition), How to Unregister a Gun in your Name? 130 Best Aviation Humor ideas | aviation humor, humor, aviation - Pinterest Here soldiers share what theyve gleaned from past gaffes: Feel free to move about as you wish, but please stay inside the plane till we landit's a bit cold outside, and if you walk on the wings it affects the flight pattern". Because hes a captain in the Air Force. Both have been racing sled dogs for decades. Since it was a formal affair at a country club, I went in my officers dress blue uniform. I was in the bathroom brushing my teeth when my squad leader barged in. Multi Engine Training Manual When one engine fails on a twin-engine aircraft, you always have enough power left to get you to the scene of the crash, 48. If I don't ride that helicopter, I might never get another chance", To this, Warren replied, "Joy that helicopter is fifty quid, and fifty quid is fifty quid", The pilot overheard the couple and said, "Folks I'll make you a deal. The B-52 continued its flight, straight and level. Anecdotes 1. Keep up with Katee on Instagram and linkedin.com. Anything left behind will be distributed evenly among the flight attendants. The pilot tries to pull up, but with all their cargo, the plane is too heavy. Now, they are wanted for dessertion. Any attempt to stretch fuel is guaranteed to increase headwind. We know that there are hundreds and hundreds of military jokes out there. There are many branches of the military. Having been an architectural draftsman in civilian life, I raised my hand. Nothing, she said. S | Engine found on right wing after brief search. It was World War IIthe frontand we were on high alert. All images on our website are the property of their respective owners. Black said he jokes about getting a sense of what America thinks about its military by the movies that come out, and the only decent military movie in recent years, in his opinion, was "Top Gun . Did you hear about the big accident on base? Share yours with us on our socials Twitter, Instagram, and Facebook and check out military jokes from other Vets, troops, and military support personnel! Military Jokes and Humor stories have always amused and entertained. 100 Hilarious Airplane Jokes That Are Surely to Take Off "OK Suzy" said the teacher, "please tell the class your. You seem in a good mood., He replied, Im paying a private to do all my worrying for me.. 1) In World War II, a German U-boat was sunk because of a malfunctioning toilet. It was basic training, and I was seated in the barber chair bemoaning the impending loss of my hair when the barber asked, Where are you from? St. P | Engine noise at an unbelievable high level. The Coast Guard often gets its share of jokes starting with the fact that it was formerly part of the Department of Transportation (now Homeland Security) and not the Department of Defense . At least SEVEN Cs! Thanks for coming back for me, the airman said, jumping on the back of the scooter. (Hang up. While serving as chief medical officer at Fort Ritchie in Maryland, I attended a nearby wedding. Pointing to the My husbands cousin married a former Marine who now works for United Parcel Service. Why did the optometrist set his clock to military time? Thanks.. When they come home, they get to leave their inlaws thousands of miles away. In-flight Snacks Little treats sealed in a bag that can only be opened by using a chainsaw. Ordered a private to bring back a five-gallon can of dehydrated water (in fact, the sergeant just wanted an empty water can). But before I could get out, he pointed to the other end of the building and said, The band entrance is that way. Gordon Van Otteren. Louis, I grumbled. Caller: Sgt. Knowing my tough-to-spell last name would give him fits, I said, Just put down Sergeant Gary, as my last name is too hard. 'There are bold pilots, and old pilots, but very few old bold pilots.' - 1930s Army Air Corps Sign. Then came Dads ships turn. 2. Two sailors were discussing which assignments theyd like to get. The Marine insisted that since he was in the aisle seat he would get it for him. The trick is to fill the bag of experience before you empty the bag of luck. The Funniest Aviation Jokes and Anecdotes - LetterPile Put your hand up if youre the laziest., 24 men raised their hands, so the senior chief turns to the last man and says, Why didnt you raise your hand, sailor?, The sailor replies, It was too much trouble, senior chief.. Ask the Navy to secure a building and they will turn off all the lights and lock all the doors at 1700. It Bad Jokes That You Cant Help but Laugh At, Funny Photos That Will Make You Laugh Out Loud, Cheesy Pick-Up Lines Guaranteed to Get a Laugh, The Absolute Best Funny Movies of All Time, Weird Facts You Never Knew About Laughter, Work Cartoons to Help You Get Through the Week, Clever Wedding Jokes Perfect for Any Speech, We are no longer supporting IE (Internet Explorer), Do Not Sell or Share My Personal Information. 13. What do you call a military officer who goes to the bathroom a lot? Why do flight attendants make great astronauts? To begin with, the U.S. in early 2022 had 38,500 troops stationed on German soil almost 40% of the total number it deploys in all of Europe. During basic training at Fort Leavenworth, our sergeant asked if anyone had artistic abilities. He was holding a toothbrush, which he proceeded to use to scrub underneath the rim of a toilet. Coast Guard Jokes - LiveAbout Trust us; we have plenty of those, too. Youre standing in it, sir, said the sergeant. I thought I was on top of my game that day, Comedian Martha Raye was a great supporter of the military and made many trips to Vietnam to entertain the troops. What do hungry Marines eat? One day, at an event honoring veterans, a young man asked where they had been stationed. Between all the service branches there is a friendly rivalry that will always create jokes among the various branches. The military refers to a collection of all the armed forces of a particular country.. What do hungry Marines eat? When I heard him describe the impending birth of his first child as when the baby has boots on the A friend paid my mother a visit. and some others fell to the ground quickly and did their push-ups. Why is the United States Air Force the most patriotic military branch? A sailor and a marine are both in the bathroom peeing. To operate your seat belt, insert the metal tab into the buckle, and pull tight. Ramrod straight, each would respond, Marine Air Group 36, sir or Second Marine Division, General. Then there was one young private. Passenger Cargo that talks or Self-loading freight, 58. Now he likes peanuts.. In the event of an emergency water landing, please paddle to shore and take them with our compliments, 23. 8. Reproduction of any part of this website without direct permission is prohibited. I was the cook.. Our Teams Favorite Pilot Jokes - AOPA Of course, he responded. My friend, an Air Force officer, was riding his scooter when he passed an airman who didnt salute. An officer asked if I knew what it meant. ", The student replied, "When I was number one for takeoff sir", 51. "Last one off the plane has to clean it", 25. Military Aviation Humor | Civil Aviation Humor | Life in the Military | Submit a Joke Problem: "Smoke in cabin." Solution: "Aircrew reminded fleet is no-smoking these days." Problem: "Bad smell in cockpit (B-747)." Solution: "Advice crew to wash every day." Problem: "Missile slow to leave rail." Solution: "Use a real missile. Rather than move, he called the bridge: Hey, he said, can you shift the ship 15 degrees? I smiled and said, Sure was a lot of em, huh sir?. Two thousand dollars a week, he replied. The sergeants reply: Completely, sir.. Building the Army is a part of the government's tasks, and the military is made to protect citizens during war-time. Discussion Board on this Military Joke. An airplane! 64. Thanks. P | Evidence of leak on right main landing gear. Forty years later, Dad met the man responsible, and he told him how impressed he had been. 8.3.4 Modern aviation history. Aviation Jokes: A military cargo pla Military jokes 291 Pins 3y D Collection by Devyn Scholtes Similar ideas popular now Military Humor Military Quotes Humor Funny Memes Military Jokes Army Humor Army Memes Military Life Funny Posts Hilarious Memes Humor Funny Memes Spongebob Memes My son is in Marine Infantry School and one of his best friends is in the Air Force Academy. 10. Remember them the next time youre talking to a friend or family member that has served as a Marine because these jokes are bound to make them smile. ", The engineer said, 'Look, I'm an engineer. ", "Sir, have you ever heard the noise a 747 makes when it hits a 727?". Welcome aboard Flight 245 to Calgary. Everything from puns to some sarcastic one-liners are included in the Army jokes below to crack on an Army member you know and love. March forth! Emergency Checklist Flying the airplane is more important than radioing your plight to a person on the ground incapable of understanding or doing anything about it. It is always better to be down here wishing you were up there than up there wishing you were down here. And, once the tire smoke has cleared and the warning bells are silenced, we will open the door and you can pick your way through the wreckage to the terminal, 22. 2023 The Arena Media Brands, LLC and respective content providers on this website. Our puns and jokes are here for the soldiers as well as everyone else to enjoy. She also liked her scotch. 55+ Best Pilot Jokes That Fly | Kidadl Why does the military only allow dress shirts during ceremonies and events? Fish Food. Killed bin Laden. "As we prepare for takeoff, please make sure your tray tables and seat backs are fully upright in their most uncomfortable position", 18. When they landed, the pilot turned to Warren and said, "By golly, I did everything I could to get you to yell out, but you didn't. What do Marines have in common with other members of the Armed Forces? Death is just natures way of telling you to watch your airspeed. Whats the difference between a special forces member of the Navy and an otter? Airmens mess, sir.. Caller: OK. military aviation humour - Pilotfriend Why do members of the military often marry lovers from the foreign countries they were deployed in? Marine: Wait, stop. What do you call a Marine that has an IQ of 160? S | Auto land not installed on this aircraft. SUB sandwiches! Im throwing up just as far as the rest of these guys.. What did you do? He did his daredevil tricks over, and over again, but still not a word. The ships operations officer entered the messdeck, his eyes bleary and at half-mast. 50. Did it work? 130 Best Aviation Humor ideas | aviation humor, humor, aviation Aviation Humor 129 Pins 1y S Collection by STS Aviation Group Share Similar ideas popular now Humor Funny Military Humor Aviation Fuel Aviation Humor Aviation Technology Airbus Boeing Airline Humor Airline Reservations People Fly Flight Attendant Life LinkedIn Aviation Quotes