They've been beaten so many times there's no fight left in them. Q: Why did the Statue of Liberty take karate? I'd say that you must be a bunny rabbit." 1792: The French beat the Austrias and the Prussians at Valmy, history's first military victory where artillerywas the decisive factor. Temporary victories (remember the First Rule!) Seventh Crusade. heaven's command ", when some aliens saw him. door. French forces captured Veracruz by December 1838 and Mexico declared war on France. However, you have a gun, but alas, only two bullets. believe they were invaded twice." The second guy walks up and says "hello, Id like to buy a brain" to guy can't stop slamming the French. to which "Oh, that was just my pager", said George. We collected only funny French Military jokes around the web. don't. The bartender says back, "Excuse ME, but I was talking to the duck. Q: How do you castrate a Frenchmen??? him about anal sex and that he wanted to know if people really did feigned astonishment: "Marie Sainte! War of the Spanish Succession: Lost. A. The French general said, A: You can make soldiers out of toast! The guy since. Q: Why did the French celebrate their World Cup Championship in 2000 * Algerian Rebellion - Lost. A: to match the teeth, Q: Whats the best place to hide your money ? We seem to have overlooked some basic facts. This irked him, but he held his tongue. gotta give me another week to come up with the five hundred Francs. A Frenchwoman walks into a bar carrying a duck under her arm. common? Never fired and only dropped once. go help us liberate France! British. - American Revolution - In a move that will become quite familiar to future Americans, France claims a win even though the English colonists saw far more action. But she forgot to call on the Samoan kid. done, it will strike France in 8 hours and completely destroy our Don't want The Frenchman said: You know, really, when I have an erection, the A: A rearview mirror, so they can see the war. Q: Since everyone knows that French men are gay, how come there are This is not meant to be a formal definition of French military victories like most terms we define on Dictionary.com, but is Despite Googles claim that they had put an end to Google bombing in January 2007, a full year later a search for dangerous cult would return Scientology.org as the top result. France. slithered all over the bunny, and said, "Well, you're covered with While the expressions "search engine bombing" and "results hijacking" had been used in the late 1990s, the internet's first practical joke to be given the name "Google bomb" came about thanks to Adam Mathes. - Wars of Religion - France goes 0-5-4 against the Huguenots Right now! at Islamic warfare: "We can always beat the French." It's a Jacques Chirac, interrogation. Theres millions ofem there". colonists saw far more action. With all due respect I think President Bush is handling Q: What's the difference between a dead skunk and a dead French man In In World War I, it was the French who secured the first of a string of Allied victories at the Second Battle of the Marne. for God's sake. Hide behind Pyrennes until the modern day. The Battle of Trafalgar was a victory for the British Royal Navy against French and Spanish forces in 1805. The Normans, led by William, pushed through English shield walls to take out the crown. The city of Orleans was put under siege and the throne was thrust into dire circumstances. In France, we eat fresh fruit for breakfast and put all peel, "Did you see the new bomb the government came up with? The clerk types on his computer and then says, 79 points - Your daily dose of funny memes, reaction meme pictures, GIFs and videos. A: She wanted to be the first French person to be able to defend The War also gave the French their first taste of a Marlborough, which they have loved every since. 12 - The Napoleonic Wars - Lost. Q: Why do the French never perform the wave at a soccer game? Hitler dances in front of the Eiffel Tower, while the French table. bloodline. Two minutes later, the silence was broken by the sound of a phone along the beach together one day. dog, tossed it out the window of the train and sat down in the empty What is the difference between a drug dealer and a hooker? A: So blind people can hate them too! In As illustrated by the above screenshot, over a week on and this is still the case several of the images above the fold are of the Don or of his lovely sons. As of May 2, 2011, the page is no longer listed in Google's first few results for "French military victories", but several links on the list go to sites recounting the joke. Firstly, Philip the First (1060 - 1108) was King of France at the time of the Norman invasion of 1066 - William was Duke of Normandy and, incidentally, directly descended from the Vikings. that French bastard again.'. A: A Mirage. a Controversial American political commentator Bill OReillys website began ranking in 1st position for the phrase terrorist sympathizer back in 2005. Go to www.google.com Type "french military victories" in the search window. Suddenly the WWII? To get as far away from the French as possible. Thousands of French women find out what it's like to not only sleep with a winner, but one who doesn't call her "Fraulein." Lerner created a parody Google page for his blog that poked fun at the running gag of France's supposed historic military incompetence. The Japanese ambassador stood next and told the gathering, "Our opponent was also French. the of the War by Frederick of Brunswick and a hodge-podge army including some This is later known as "de Gaulle He called the front desk and screamed Sign up for writing inspiration in your email, that's almost as funny as an"I'm feeling lucky" google search for "French military victories" :). French military victories Meaning | Pop Culture by Dictionary.com Famous French Military Victories and Defeats | Superprof "First," he said, "I don't want The French woman wrinkled her nose and snorted "You Americans! But never fear - The French are always there when they need us! The next time the ", but rather "How long until France collapses?" The French general began ridiculing the Major for wearing "that stupid red tunic." A: Their armpits. Q: How can you tell if a Frenchman has been in your backyard? Company no. plastic surgery. "No," the kid replied, "hes screwing the sheep." French defeated by rebellion after sacrificing 4,000 Poles to yellow fever. here is a TINY list of Crushing French military victories and a little bonus of heroic defeats, surrender jokes are untrue follow me on Instagram @medieval.f. * The Franco-Prussian War - Lost. French Military Victories - Thoughts Arguments and Rants Panama jungles 1881-1890. Lerner created a parody Google page for his blog that poked fun at the running gag of Frances supposed historic military incompetence. True, French Loiusberg was lost to the British in the New World but Maurice of Saxony led the French army to victory in the Austrian Netherlands (Belgium) and was able to completely take it over. "As far as France is concerned, you're right." the cafeteria where the members of Congress eat announced that they Q: Why do the French Smell? French military victories - War of the 6th Coalition - War of the 7th ", but rather "How long until France collapses?" A: To accommodate their huge mouths. Not surprisingly, these performed better than the French on many occasions. liberated by the United States and Britain just as they finish I have a problem with homosexual acts. "Do you know how many French it takes to get a pound of brains!?" As of August 2018, searching for idiot on Google Images results in photos of President Donald Trump and his sons, for example. You missed a few for John Kerry. skunk who stinks and thinks that he is desirable love god? Three guys, an Englishman, a Frenchman and an American are out walking Whats perhaps even more embarrassing is that when searching for that specific term, Google offered users the chance to See results for creed- burn. exclaimed the The United States ambassador stood and proudly announced, "We have A. as chapeaux. The French were huge financial proponents of kicking the British out of the New World, and so they aided the Americans in any way they could which included providing money and soldiers. Q: What's the difference between a Frenchman and a trampoline? Not with Iraq. A: It was their first time they won anything without the help of the Loss marks the first defeat of a western army by a Non-Turkic Muslim force since the Crusades, and produces the First Rule of Muslim Warfare; "We can always beat the French. Stupid pet google tricks: go to google and type in "french military victories" and press "feeling lucky". French children? The kid replied: NAAAAAAAAAAA, 1998 - 2023 StrategyWorld.com. knew my mother. France attempts to take advantage of Mexico's weakness following its thorough thrashing by the U.S. 20 years earlier ("Halls of Montezuma"). give up!". "And, what do you Frenchmen do with condoms once you've used them?" don't. ", said the American. the Frenchie replies: "Oui, but there is no need to hit me over the France has usually been governed by Many would argue that Sarkozy is not *only* a trou du cul of the internet. A key part of the article is the claim. due to leadership of a Corsican, who ended up being no match for a British footwear designer. Japanese scientists have invented a midget submarine that can touch "Going to war without France is like going deer hunting without an accordion. By the beginning of World War II, France had the best military hardware in Europe, but its outdated strategy and tactics cost it dearly. President of France. The American walked away, determined to find a place to rest, but Try George Bush and you get overwhelmed with 2,570,000. At the Battle of Hastings, outnumbered Normans fought English forces, led by King Herald Godwinson. The French forces withdrew on 9 March 1839 after a peace treaty was signed. She looked at the display of brains D. To be a constant reminder of the help they gave to defeat the Why one might decide to Google the phrase find chuck norris is beyond me, but if youre that way inclined (Chuck Norris inclined, not THAT way inclined) then hit the Im Feeling Lucky button which takes you to Arran Schlosbergs site NoChuckNorris.com. When it comes to war, France gets rolled more often than a Parisian prostitute with a visible mustache. France becomes the first and only country to ever lose two wars to the Italians. The French *still* need more proof that Michael Jackson has had Dutch farmers and tulip growers are An Englishman was rowing a boat down a river and singing, "Rule Again, shock and that no one can come into our precious country." Winds up a tie for les weeks. William the Bastard then went on to conquer the rest of England and earned himself the a new moniker, King William the Conqueror.. A: Five! You drive "the french have only one gear in their tanks the reverse gear". Germany first plays the role of drunken Frat boy to France's ugly girl home alone on a Saturday night. They do not know how to say "CHARGE!". "Of course! Why don't the French really want the US to attack Iraq? pays and then leaves. - The third to roll over. Hitler and the German Youth spend Christmas time sleeping soundly He had sung the first line, "When Britain first at Then I said "well then I guess your not going back technological advancement reports. surrendered to a tourist couple from Dsseldorf. the middle of the road? Q: How any French soldiers does it take to change a light bulb? The French are acting as advisers to the Taliban, to teach them Even with Charlemagne leading them against an enemy living in a hostile land, French are unable to make much progress. French Military Victories - Jokes - Puzzles and Riddles - Make My Day President Bush pressed his forearm with his thumb & the beeping For the first, but certainly I'm think I'm getting a fax. This is the battle that won the Americans the Revolutionary War, so its most often seen as a major victory for the Americans. The Air Force tested this bomb in Florida and the bomb ---- Hannibal Lecter He further France? Frenchmen take to wearing red flowerpots as chapeaux. A: Welcome! The American ignores the Frenchman who, nevertheless, starts a catch a terminal case of Dien Bien Flu. Conquered French liberated by the United States and Britain just as they finish learning the Horst Wessel Song. guy Q: What do you call a French man killed defending his country? Let's face it. asked the butcher if the price of the French brains were a misprint. * The Napoleonic Wars - Lost. facing the woman with the dog. are, so at least you'll have that going for you." replied the butcher. Then 303 days later, the Germans finally realize that the French wouldnt give in and gave up. -- Argus Hamilton, "The French will only agree to go to war when we've proven we've found French forces plead sickness, take to bed with the Dien Bien Flu. Warfare: "French armies are victorious only when not led by a 995 3157 78, Arran Schlosbergs site NoChuckNorris.com. to which the clerk replies "who would you like?" A man on the corner of a street in Athens, selling Italian army rifles. A) Stay up late and watch it happen on TV. French Military Victories - Victories and Losses. brain, and put him back into his boat. As the story was picked up by the likes of Boing Boing, you could say that the protesters achieved what they were seeking. TheFrench military victoriesGoogle bomb was created in 2003 by Steve Lerner, a university student from Toronto. Its kind of hard to single out one shining example of the sheer strength of the French during the Napoleonic Wars because Napoleon was such a great military leader. frogs somewhere else. were - Gallic Wars - Lost. Due to the way that Googles algo works, the fact that so many news outlets had used photos of Romney while reporting on his recent completely wrong statement, means that the two are now associated in the SERPs. people." a brain" to which the clerk replied "who would you like?" Q: What does "Maginot" mean in English? i think Nickleback would have been way more appropriateor as i call em.pennyback. on the sideline to see how the second string will play) - Lost. Really. A: under the soap of a Frenchman, A Frenchwoman with a parrot on her shoulder walks into a bar. Germany plays the role of drunk Frat boy to France's ugly girl home alone on a Saturday night. Our new submarine can The Complete Military History of France [Joke] - Neowin Napolean might have a few choice words for your historian. 4 - Wars of Religion - France goes 0-5-4 against the Huguenots. -- John Xereas, Manager, DC Improv. is a very good idea," The Frenchy turned to his orderly and said, An English man sitting across the aisle spoke up indignantly "You I can just see the GWT warning now Dear Webmaster of whitehouse.gov, you have an unnatural link profile, After angering columnist and author Dan Savage with his anti-homosexual remarks in 2003, Savage and the fans of his Savage Love column created a Google bomb that linked politician Rick Santorums name to a the definition for a lewd phrase (Ill leave it to you to find if youre curious). depicting famous Frenchmen? dumbfounded look. Once a website or webpage has been Google bombed, web users can search for the normally ordinary or unremarkable phrase to bring deliberately placed results. footwear designer. France becomes the first and only country to ever lose two wars when fighting Italians. becomes clear that this is a "no-kidding war," Jacques Chirac looks French soldiers, fresh off their four year occupation by the Germans, His assistant quickly handed him a sheet of paper, he coughed French forces are victorious over the English. This actually happened at Harvard University in October of this yearIn a biology class, the prof was discussing the high glucose levels found in semen. William was, therefore, as alien to France as the experience of victory. A: You take off your shoes before you jump on the trampoline. due to leadership of a Corsican, who ended up being no match for a British footwear designer. The Barman says "Thats a real ugly bird you got there. --Damian Yerrick 18:59, 11 May 2006 (UTC) Reply []Not at all.03:43, 13 February 2007 (UTC) well see the problem is the french don't have military victories except when other people fought for them or the . The Frenchie asks the landlord, What is that dirty camel doing in phrase, but "okay, that will be 1.6 million dollars!" The French woman looked down her nose at the American, at heaven's command" a brain." was shocked murmurs and exclamations of "How could this be!" A. Seems The President tried to explain through an interpreter that if we don't been able to develop people that can eat with their noses!" I need that During one of the many wars that the French and the British fought and the French usually lost, the French just happened to capture a British Major. helpMr. A nice Sadly for Google bombers, Google adjusted its algorithms in 2007, making the practice much harder to achieve. (without the quotes) Click on the "I feel lucky" button Reality is funny sometime :p A French rifle is for sale on e-bay. "I would rather have a German division in front of me than a French Its just restricted to crawling 500 urls, thats all. due to leadership of a Corsican, who ended up being no match for a British footwear designer. A: The quiche of death. known only as Monsieur Remontel claimed that in 1832 Mexican officers looted his shop in Tacubaya and demanded 60,000 pesos as reparations for the damage (his shop was valued at less than 1,000 pesos). B. cannibal. * War in Indochina - Lost. A cannibal went into the butcher shop to buy some brains to make for 13 - The Franco-Prussian War - Lost. drunk, after a late night dinner, are having a conversation: they turned her over to the enemy! Jay Leno, "You know why the French don't want to bomb Saddam Hussein? garrulous Frenchman was escorted to the door and told to go "Pound ", A Frenchman walks into a bar, smiles at the landlord and orders a train goes through a tunnel I'll make another kissing noise and slap Attempts to surrender to Vietnamese ambassador fail after he takes refuge in a McDonald's. The woman shrieked and railed, and demanded that someone defend Q. Brits. Moors in Spain, late 700s-early 800s. 5 - Thirty Years War - France is technically not a participant but 2,000 years of French history, France is conquered by of all things, Would it be a bad idea to turn the article into a List of French military victories that summarizes Military history of France, leaving the coverage of the joke as a top-disambiguation? Once upon a time (allegedly) in a nice little forest, there lived an A hooker can wash her crack and sell it again. You can read more about finding broken links in this post here , https://www.screamingfrog.co.uk/broken-link-checker/, Great Post!! low-tech. giant meteor is headed straight for French, and unless something is The manager of the hotel was summoned and the About 2 million ungrateful Algerians lost their lives in this shoddy affair. to another Frenchman. I didn't mean to Pirates in North Africa continually harass European shipping in Meditteranean. - War of Revolution - Tied. Neuroglider their noses.". U.S. Q: What's the difference between 1943 and 2003? stop Hussein soon, he will obtain nuclear weapons. His claim was that if something was up there like that about Joe Biden, theyd get rid of it. 3 - Italian Wars - Lost. War - Lost, but claimed as a tie. - One to sit on his butt and watch and do nothing. * American Revolution - In a move that will become quite familiar to future Americans, France claims a win even though the English colonists saw far more action. To prepare for The Battle of Trafalgar was a victory for the British Royal Navy against French and Spanish forces in 1805. Starting with the recent instance surrounding presidential candidate Mitt Romney that in part inspired this very blog post, a Google bomb that isnt even a real Google bomb! A: Because cardboard doesn't float! Perhaps that page was hit with an unnatural link warning? Conquered French liberated by the United States and Britain just as they finish learning the Horst Wessel Song. A: Because every time they shoot them off, the French try to All the while, the American Lost: after getting hammered by Frederick the Great of Prussia (yep, The Frenchman blows a bubble with his chewing gum, then remarks, "We Home; Topics; Funniest Jokes; French Military Jokes Why is the French military always shocked when they lose a battle? an Italian. After discussing further, they removed the final part of his brain and With France and Germany. (Sorry, France.). your Liza Minelli CD's, Q: What time is the Frenchmans watch set to? truffles in Iraq." Bill managed to offend most of the American population (he always offends some of them, this time it was all of them) by welcoming Al Qaeda to blow up the Coit Tower in San Francisco. The clerk types on Im sorry, no results were found. for you. "Don't shoot, I give up!". When Jacques saw that he had the attention of the other two men, he A: Because, in war time, they are the biggest buyers of running shoes. stopped. Britannia". France is saved by the United States. maneuver already.". As amusing as this is, a genuine Google bomb it is not. He flew ringing stopped. Twila Marie (@twila_zoned) July 21, 2007, google "French military victories" and click "I'm feeling lucky" The WWI summary is great, French military victories has become synonymous with Google bomb. A first-time French visitor to New York arrived at his hotel room only Chirac's ass? Temporary victories (remember the Claims a tie on the basis that eventually the other participants started ignoring her. asked what about the third condition. Q: What is the most useful thing in the French Army? The moral of the story is - give thanks to God on high that the French over 100-floor high, but no more. Q: What's green, cold, slimy and croaks? Q: What's the difference between toast and Frenchmen? Or, better still, the quote from last week's Wall Street Journal: "They're there when they need you.". Does the free windows version allow you to find broken links (404) pages ? French their first taste of a Marlborough, which they have loved every Often by itself, against most of the rest of Europe. Q. still manages to get invaded. hurt them to the United States." American Revolution: In a move that will become quite familiar to future Americans, France claims a win even though the English colonists saw far more action. Germany first plays the role of drunk Frat boy to France's ugly girl home alone on a Saturday night. The American said: You know, really, some of our buildings might go Q: What do French mobsters fear more than anything else? Also should be noted that France attempted to hide behind the Maginot line, sticking their head in the sand and pretending that the Germans would enter France that way. Designed to look like a Google results page, you receive the wonderful error message Google wont search for Chuck Norris because it knows you dont find Chuck Norris, he finds you. A simple and effective Google bomb. they were covertly asked not to participate with the coalition. eagles can perch on it! both were blind from birth. madman could result in a bloodbath. - The second to turn tail and run. Rush Limbaugh, "They've taken their own precautions against al-Qa'ida. 17 - Algerian rebellion - Lost. You eat holding the fork in the wrong hand. Haiti, 1791-1804. Saved at last moment by schizophrenic teenaged girl, who inadvertently creates The First Rule of French Warfare: "France's armies are victorious only when not led by a Frenchman.". and a three-day supply of mistresses in the house." Deciding to try his luck at a farmhouse he knocked on the hates America, he loves mistresses and wears a beret. A. A: Kick his sister in the jaw. Copyright 19962023 Albino Blacksheep unless specified otherwise. In a war whose ending foreshadows the next 2000 years of French history, France is conquered by of all things, an Italian. War on Terrorism: France, keeping in mind its recent history, surrenders to Germans and Muslims just to be safe. sconces. Tell you what, maybe I could slither all over you, and Q: Do you know why the French invented perfume? This rule is identical to the First Rules of the Italians, Russians, Germans, English, Dutch, Spanish, Vietnamese and Esquimaux. Q: What English word has no equivalent in the French language? Today, the government of France fell when Jacques Chirac unexpectedly Pierre showed some Enjoy the best French Military jokes ever! to find his bed with one sheet. Why do french tanks have rearway mirrors? : r/Jokes her family for dinner that night. Good list, and the Charlie Sheen remark is especially funny! Conan O'Brien, "Well, it looks like we've moved a step closer to war. country! an attack, each Frenchman is urged to keep duct tape, a white flag, A. president Chirac. kiss me and actually kissed the Englishman and got slapped for it.' Entertainment Music TV & Film Performing Arts Visual Arts conversation. Parisian sauna. Q: What's the shortest book ever written? We deliver hundreds of new memes daily and much more humor anywhere you go. Q: What do you do if you see a French man drowning? Post-Grammys Creeds career went into free fall and their singer was involved in some questionable activities, leading to a break-up in 2004. A: Because the French, in general are less sensitive to bad smells John: i thought it was hilarious, i had a bro-n-law whom we loved his cooking but there were times we would take a bite of his chili and drink almost a glass of soda and the next day well we had no visitors, Kevin: More anal every day 4 year olds tell better jokes, Semen contains glucose, but doesn''t taste sweet. Perhaps the most well-known Google bomb of all time was this bomb targeting then US President George W Bush, whos biography page on the White House website was the top result when searching for miserable failure. French military victories was a popular early 2000s so-called Google bomb, a prank manipulation of Googles search algorithms to yield humorous or incongruous results. That is the funniest thing I have seen in AGES! Pierre was approached with a proposition: would he be willing to have In the opening paragraph, there was a (kind of) next to mention of French surrender during WWII. Ridicule against Vichy France, the German puppet state, isnt without merit we get it. "Oh, that would be wonderful" replied the bunny. Panzer tanks carrying the Nazi flag. The Complete Military History of France - Joke | eBaum's World French-on-French losses (probably should be counted as victories too, just to be fair): 1208: Albigenses Crusade, French massacared by French. You are President Bush, what do you do? This rule is identical to the First Rules of the Italians, Russians, Germans, English, Dutch, Spanish, Vietnamese and Esquimaux. - War of the Augsburg League/King William's War/French and Indian War - Lost, but claimed as a tie. Third Crusade. "We throw them away, of course," replies the Frenchman, with a